Thoughts on Ambiguity in Language

Yesterday while researching the subtleties and literacy of sexting I found cases and examples of oversimplifying our wording to avoid association with a perceived wrong.

Albeit overthinking, I realized that this careful choice of rewording to avoid a negative perception can minimize our ability to have open and honest communication with one another and ourselves.

Discursive use of language and ambiguity isn't always a negative. But it does leave room for questions and promotes a lack of understanding in areas we should understand better. This disconnect in language is commonplace in every space regardless if and how we share that space with others.

The dimension of language is a building block from which we shape our lenses. Negative self-talk turns into self-destructive actions, lies mislead us from the truth, and the inability to be critical about information we receive, allows us to make decisions from a misconstrued or perhaps unreliable opinion designed as a fact. Most of us would prefer to make a comprehensive and informed decision from a place of honesty.

We read things or have ideas about information we don't understand. It happens all the time to all of us, from the best writers and public speakers to people who can't read.

We believe we comprehend well, yet most of us believe we are above average and the fact is... we can't all be above average... we are going to misunderstand information. In reality, the fast paced world, mixed with low attention spans, and the casual nature of our connections creates an inability to fully comprehend all of the information effectively all of the time.

Critical thinking and our ability to understand is heavily reliant on language. Differences in culture impact how we analyze information when it comes to reading informal vs. formal communication and body language. High-context cultures and low-context cultures view the world from very different lenses because what is custom here may be rude elsewhere, legal terminology can differ depending on what state you're in, and we really like to say we, can't read body language through texting, when it's convenient.

This disconnect is just one that impacts and degrades our understanding of language and our ability to comprehend information. It takes time to be critical and understanding. Time that most of us find we lack in our everyday lives.

It's important to understand the words we are choosing and why we are choosing them. For example, research shows that people in general are more likely to broaden their speech and use vagueness to avoid admitting that they are associating with explicit activities.

Sex on screens: the language of sexting and amateur pornography

Words such as Sexting or Pornography are carefully side-stepped so people can avoid association with what they think others will view as wrong. Sexting is what Others do and what they themselves are doing is artistic and meaningful or just, Sharing cute photos or being cheeky. Sexting and porn isn't meaningful to most and is considered crude.

Sharing nude pictures and videos is not considered amateur pornography, despite being definitively amateur porn. Pornography is believed to be specifically what is shared in a public forum regardless if it is amateur or professional. Even the use of the term erotic is carefully chosen.

Sharing experiences and stories shapes our lives. The way that individuals choose to speak about their experiences shapes their view of sexuality and identity. The reluctance to use words that describe their experience due to being perceived as crude or too harsh only further limits discussions and creates a cycle that reinforces the very taboos that people are trying to break.

In 2022, a survey by the Canadian Women's Foundation found that only 45% of Canadians understand true consent.

The overwhelming use of lay terminology in articles portraying sexual abuse affects individual opinions and views of what is or isn't a sexual assault. Titles such as, Sexual Misconduct and IMO Consent Violation are too broad to shed any light on the gravity of those situations. Sexual misconduct seems like a simple task, an accident more than a chargeable offense. Lay terminology helps people avoid accountability, by implying that the experience wasn't as bad as you think.

The phrases, He had sex with her, and He held her down and forcefully put his penis in her vagina, are two very different opinions the first one being a more common way to describe a much more serious offense.

So here, I will define for you all of the things that an undefined Sexual Misconduct actually is... and what the term should imply.

Sexual misconduct is the overarching term. It includes sexual assault, sexual harassment, stalking, sexual exploitation, dating violence, and domestic violence.

Sexual Harassment is any unwanted verbal, written, electronic, or physical conduct, of a sexual nature that is intended to cause or could reasonably be expected to cause an individual or group to feel intimidated, demeaned, abused, fearful, or have concern for their personal safety.

Sexual Assault is the involvement in any sexual contact when the victim is unable to consent.

• Intentional and unwelcome touching of, coercing, forcing, or even attempting to coerce or force another to touch another person intimately.

• Sexual intercourse without consent, including acts commonly referred to as "rape".

• Sexual assault includes sexual contact with a person who is unable to consent.

A Consent Violation includes, according to Canadian Law, "all unwanted sexual activity, such as unwanted sexual grabbing, kissing, and fondling as well as rape."

General opinions of consent are known but often scattered, and this paper shows that the fallback onto Insufficient Knowledge is nothing but another ambiguous lie to ourselves.

Most people when talking with them 1-on-1 understand the idea of sex, but then turn around and assault someone like it's nothing with zero regard to how their actions might be wrong. This conflicting behavior shows that people might not actually understand what they are doing and if they do understand, they are blatantly ignoring consent rights. Expectation, misperceiving the individual's desires, and the oh-so-common use of coercion (breaking someone down and bugging them over and over and over until they just do it) are used to justify again and again that it wasn't what it is.

Teaching people to be more assertive and Just say no, creates a very unhealthy space for most of us. We are taught to not be rude. Not to mention the concept doesn't take into account that most people can say no just fine. This argument is commonly used when women open up about assault, often in court. Judges say things like, "Should have closed your legs," and "Why didn't you say no?" to justify the actions of the accused. Sexual assault is often defined using terms that imply pleasure or lust rather than using terms that imply pain, for example, Rape is a crime of passion.

The overuse of terms like, You just can't understand women, and Women are over-emotional are commonplace silencing techniques. Why talk when we going to be misunderstood no matter how many public speaking lessons we take? No means no, yes means yes, but also no might mean yes, and women are wishy-washy, so they shouldn't have gone on a date if they didn't want it.

The careful placement of these words acts as an abstracting lens when perceiving information about sex in general. Rape culture often being defined in private conversations as a thing women say when they don't get their way.

Terminology like, Let's hang out and get to know each other, really means, Let's fuck and see if we like it. We are taught to be polite so we sugarcoat our disinterest to avoid making other people mad and to avoid being explicit, rude, crude, taboo, mean, prude, or a bitch.

Saying No and If I want to I will ask you, stop asking doesn't keep people from asking over and over in an attempt that I will change my mind. It's disrespectful, but I shouldn't be rude about it, right?

Did you know that 60% of sexual assault victims don't label their experience? With a high number of people labeling it as something lighter, such as a Misunderstanding or it was just Really bad sex.

There are a multitude of reasons for this: Acknowledgement makes it real, maybe there wasn't bone-breaking violence, the ongoing shame-fear-based culture we live in, fear of public repercussions, and the belief that there is nothing that can be done.

Research into whether or not 'Survivors' are better off calling it rape or not, is also inconclusive and teaches that it is and has to be a personal choice. The majority of research shows that those who do label their experience correctly, have a higher likelihood of PTSD, and those who don't are more likely to develop negative coping habits, such as addictions.

Ambiguity is confusing but direct language is apparently rude, besides, it's just casual right? It's not that big of a deal and my personal favourite I was just joking. If I said at an event, You whipping me or attempting to without my consent is assault. I would assume you'd be more cautious.

My findings frustrated me a lot because language is an art and language matters.

Cleansing our vocabulary isn't doing us any good at better understanding each other. So, this knowledge does identify a need to redefine how we create messaging concerning sexual health, wellness, and safety and how to make it comprehensible to everyone.